How to Tell Better, More Compelling and Captivating Stories

Bernadette Jiwa in a Story of Telling blog questioned why in her hometown real estate copywriting was so terrible.  She concluded that the copy used to promote the sale or leasing of apartments and homes seems to only serve a purpose to fill space between images and floor plans found in a brochure or on a web page.

The blog prompted me to look at the copywriting used to promote kitchen remodeling companies. Here are a couple of examples from the web.

Our showroom proudly offers kitchen design, bathroom design, kitchen remodeling and bathroom remodeling services to (name of service area.  Ready to get started?  Visit our showroom to see numerous displays of kitchen cabinets and bathroom cabinets. Find inspiration from our own kitchen design ideas and bathroom design ideas to start you on your new kitchen remodeling or bathroom remodeling project.

We are a family owned & operated company with over 35 years of experience. Our construction work includes additions, interior and exterior remodel and decks. Request A Quote. 

Planning to transform your staid kitchen into a modern, fashionable and functional space? Well then, you would require professional kitchen remodeling services from a reliable company like ours.  Here at (name of company), we are committed to providing matchless kitchen renovation solutions to our clients at unbeatable prices. From small compact kitchens to high-end luxury kitchens, we do it all. Our main goal is to add value to our clients’ home with a beautifully renovated stylish kitchen.

What story are these companies trying to tell?  Does it move anyone to buy a new kitchen or is Ms. Jiwa correct in her conclusion that the words’ sole purpose is to fill space.  Our industry seems wedded to using aphorisms that have little meaning.  Tag lines such as our main goal is to add value to our clients’ homes with a beautifully renovated stylish kitchen have no meaning even if true.  Who in the industry does not want to add value to a customer’s home or deliver a beautiful and stylish kitchen. 

Here’the lesson. Most copy  written to promote kitchen and bath showrooms for a renovation project focuses almost entirely on features and benefits or some type of surreal promise that is almost entirely subjective.

Compare the copy with two examples from Jiwa’s blog. 

Here’s what Kit and Ace use to convince consumers to buy an $88 scarf and a $78 t-shirt.

A cashmere hug on a cold day

Like the first sip of soup on a cold day or a warm body curled up beside you under the blankets, surrounding yourself in warmth tops the list of simple pleasures.  The Nolita Scarf brings that feeling to your everyday, whether it’s under your jacket, around your neck, or draped across your shoulders, bring cashmere comfort with you wherever you go.

Every Day is like Sunday

You’re out there changing the game Monday-Friday, making the power women of the world proud.  When it gets down to the weekend, let this tee take care of the rest.  In soft Technical Cashmere and a relaxed fit – it’s a strategic decision you won’t have to run by the board of directors.

Lessons:

• Who are you writing to?  How does relying on your showroom make your customers feel.  What makes it great?  Is the description a wish or an accurate portrayal?
• Don’t write anything until you can describe what prospective clients care about most.  Write that first.
• Your copy should mirror what you would say to a prospect face-to-face.  Avoid sermons, broadcasts and detailed descriptions of what is available.
• How many of your sales  or design team members would say to a prospective resident, “We will transform your staid kitcheninto a modern, fashionable and functional space”  If sales consultants won’t say it, don’t write it.
• Help prospective clients imagine what it would be like to use their new kitchen after the renovation.  Appeal to emotions instead of listing features and benefits.
• KISS:  Write something that means something.  Don’t use meaningless adjectives or words and phrases that you think make you look better than the showroom down the street.

The best descriptions of kitchen and bath showrooms don’t describe the showroom.  They explain what it is like to enjoy a new kitchen, bath or other space in their home. Describe the before and after. People don’t buy cabinets, countertops and appliances.  They purchase the feelings they will receive from having dream spaces in their homes.